COCK-CANCER #1

20 Jan

 

Brilliant ideas don’t happen often, but when they do they’re mind blowing….

 

 There I was sitting in my car dodging cops and avoiding sex-ting teenagers when the radio starts to spit out commercials. It seems to be the industry standard that one shitty sing-a-long-a- teeny bopper tune is equal to three advertisements. This is frustrating because I’m sick of hearing how happy McDonalds is going to make me, or that a dose of Viagra is going to give me a dick as thick as the Smith family tree. Just as I start to ruminate on the inequality of personal appendages something comes on which piques my interest. Not just because the subject matter of breasts is enough to pique the interest of any red blooded male, but because their particular role in this commercial strikes me as interesting.

Its breast cancer week, and women all over America are banding together to walk sixty miles in order to feel closer to sick relatives or bond with likeminded individuals through the medium of an incurable disease. Rather than a walk for neighbors week or love thy local illegal alien half marathon they buy into pop culture hype and  allocate themselves a place in yet another corporate media box. If it’s not religion, or politics then its football team reverence or baseball theology; people it would seem are determined to herd themselves, and can’t wait to jump straight in – pulling the lid tightly over themselves and shutting out the light.

Now I’m not such an arse-hole that I think breast cancer isn’t a worthy cause, because it is. It’s just that given the budget spent on our military, to fight brown people, in foreign countries, for corporate gain – coupled with the insipid groveling of big-pharma, for less governmental oversight and ever larger profits we might have found a root cause already.

 The cure for cancer, instead of the glut of pre-packaged pills to prevent hypochondria, would be stacked on the shelves at your local Walgreens.

However given that the last disease that was ever cured by a genuine health caring health service was Polio, we may have a while to wait. No longer is the emphasis on the cure, but rather the stabilization of the disease. Expensive medication plied to the sick so that profits can be eked out over years rather than a one-stop-shop injection, where the only profiteer would be the poor victim herself.

I understand that with Cancer hope is a huge key in winning the battle. Without hope and support the victims might as well roll over and play dead. It’s just the naivety of these good hearted souls who declare themselves heroes by walking x-number of miles for x-number of days. Rather than marching around Phoenix maybe we should be marching on Washington. Isn’t it about time we had a million woman march? Aren’t they justified in demanding governmental attention on a disease which not only destroys lives but undermines the stability of families as well?

Instead of demanding our right to live a full life in the pursuit of happiness we instead busy ourselves in short sighted, pink ribbon wearing, t-shirt buying, familial sponsorship which although commendable really isn’t getting the job done. If there is a charity involved then profits are being made. If the pharmaceutical industry is involved then bigger profits are being made. If the government is involved then mistakes are being made and money wasted. Not a jaded point of view, simply a reality check and a peak at the big picture. The funds are there, a cure is possible however, what would be the point if there wasn’t a profit to be made?

Without wandering too far off track let’s get back to the brilliant idea. We James’s don’t have many, but when we do they are earth shattering. Not always a generational thing, and too be honest we peaked back in the 11th century with Grandpas James’s three pronged stick for eating soup, occasionally something comes to mind which is worthy of further comment.

Okay, so here it is Cock cancer, that’s right Cock cancer………….not impressed, you will be.

Time and again I see an emphasis put on breast cancer, not that there is anything wrong with that it’s just a fact. As with every emphasis the popularity of the cause is dependent upon organization and a will to express an ideal. It doesn’t matter how big the group is; if one can combine, collaborate, and lobby, then you are a force to be reckoned with. A classic example here would be the religious lobby’s in America that wield all kinds of power as oppose to the apathetic atheists, who probably outnumber all the for-profit religions put together,  and yet couldn’t organize a piss up in a brewery.

So before revealing the brilliance of the idea let’s just compare the figures.

In 2010, according to the National Cancer institute, there were 217,730 new cases of prostate cancer and 32,050 deaths.

Let’s now compare those numbers to breast cancer cases in women  in 2010. There were 207,090 new cases and 39,840 deaths.

Does anything strike you about these numbers?

That’s right they’re pretty damn close, and yet when do you ever here about prostate cancer on the T.V., in magazines or even radio commercials?

 Next to never!

I know there was huge campaign run by the Armstrong foundation for testicular cancer however a yellow band on the wrist isn’t raising the kind of horror we have come to expect from the exhibition of single and double mastectomies.  In fact wearing a yellow wrist band has become a rite of passage for many young people, and has simply become a fashion accessory. Yet another shade on the spectrum of color coordinated concern. I am sure that Lance might view this differently. If kids want to wear the band they have to pay the cash. This revenue stream helps to promote research – Q.E.D., QUID PRO QUO.  Unfortunately the true message is lost as the happy-smiley- cutesy-color-yellow does nothing to express the severity of a man dying of prostate cancer. A disease that is literally killing him through everything that defines him as a man. Just as boobs help to define women, meat-and-two-veg define men.

So what to do, where to go, how to make this issue stand out in order to throw it in the face of complacency and drag concern out of the gutter and put it where it belongs – on mainstream television and front paged printed media? Cock cancer is destroying as many lives as breast cancer which means that just maybe we should turn the spot light up a little and see what we can do to raise awareness. Naturally I have a million ideas and taken from a man’s point of view they won’t always be appreciated by the fairer sex or our feather-bedded complacent society. From this day forth prostate cancer will be known as Cock Cancer.

Taken at its most base, the full mouthed vulgarity of the word COCK will be appreciated by men who hate to fluff around an idea and want to get straight to the point. No beating around the bush, no fiddle-faddle , just plain and simple Cock Cancer. It’s our bloody disease, we should be able to call it what the hell we like. Straight up front with no P.C bullshit.

“Give it to me straight doc, what’s going on, how long do I have left?”

It’s not a pink t-shirt, nor is it a made-in-China magnetized ribbon for the back of the car but a full mouthed vulgarity, that we as men can deal with.

Imagine a conversation between two men in today’s so-called polite society, where we cringe when we use the full palette of the English Language.

“How’s john doing?”

“Didn’t you know he’s got the big C? In his prostate too…”

“Yeah that’s a shame, really liked John.”

WRONG-WRONG-WRONG…Let’s start again.

“How’s John doing?”

“Didn’t you hear, he’s got cock cancer?”

“That’s fucking terrible. Poor fucking bastard. What can we do about it?”

Clearly when we call it like it really is and don’t hide the truth men and women respond better. Currently my daughter is walking around school with a pink silicon wrist band called a booby-bracelet, replete with the text, I love my boobs. I’m not shocked and hopefully you aren’t either. Call them what they are. Nobody talks about mammary cancer, so why are we talking about prostate.

Cock cancer is out there, as large as death, and its killing men every day. Let’s get real – let’s address the issue and stop messing around.

Let’s put an end to cock cancer. Tell your friends, shout it from the rooftops, call your congressman, whatever it takes.

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6 Responses to “COCK-CANCER #1”

  1. happilydisgruntled January 21, 2011 at 5:01 am #

    I’m with you, Colin. Cock Cancer is every bit as serious as Breast Cancer. Would you like a month? We have October, you may want to avoid November, December because of the holidays…February is African American month. How about August. It’s the most masculine sounding of the months, I believe.

  2. Eveline Horelle Dailey January 21, 2011 at 4:32 pm #

    Lets vote for August!

  3. Steve Green January 22, 2011 at 10:04 am #

    Colin, I am in absolute AWE of your way to get a point across, I can hear the Yorkshireman hammering home your words, and the words are well worth heeding.

    Given my age (57), prostate cancer is probably my most likely enemy of the (near?) future, and a large percentage of men my age too, I do think though that the NHS in England is gearing more and more to enlightening public awareness of this, the trouble with many men though, is that they would rather ignore the symptoms, and live in silent fear, than go to a doctor to have themselves checked out.

    Once again, awesome post.

  4. robyn January 22, 2011 at 10:40 am #

    I vote for “Save the Sacs” on the trivial wrist bands!

    Keep it up, Colin! What a rock-solid post –

    We could partner with the Breast Cancer advocates, and all wear pearl necklaces in support of our unified front…

  5. glenn miller February 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

    i like the save the sacs wrist bands but as you say they should be purple and having been diagnosed in augest i feel as this is most approiate keep rockin on im taking this to my drs and if they dont get it fum love always glenn cock cancer survivor 47yrs aged who would have thought 8} woopwoo

  6. Colin James I-10 Blog March 27, 2014 at 11:42 am #

    Reblogged this on I-10 Blog.

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