H.M.S. SCHWANZSTUCKE HAS SAILED- COCKCANCER #3

24 Jan

 

 

…So with the wind in our sails, a clear view our own event horizon, we sallie forth in the good ship SCHWANZSTUCKE; the Captain stands before an errect mast, the deck awash with the administrations of Seaman Stains and Master Bates. The cause has launched – the cause is COCK CANCER!

 

With a little levity and a gentle nudge, we the PEOPLE’S POPULAR FRONT OF COCK CANCER AWARENESS have set the ball rolling – the moss of apathy which once draped its sides, scuffed off in its tumultuous rush towards recognition. E-mails have been written, questions answered, pitches made; the affirmation of the Cock Cancer cause anointed by bloggers and well wishers alike. As unstoppable as a force of nature, the miss-spelt rhetoric of this beer soaked crusader has flashed across all four ministeries of the Orwellian state. We will not be subdued, our words will not be muted; we will not gag under the load of Cock Cancer pressure. Upwards and onwards to glory and beyond – PER ARDUA AD ASTRA –  the devil take the hindmost, and let the pieces fall where they may.

 

That’s all very well and poetic but what about the reality? How are we truly going to get our message out there? Cock Cancer cannot be spread by mouth alone and therefore we have to grease its progress – lubricate its passage. Nothing worse than a member that refuses to enter… if you get my drift?

 

Following the guidelines laid down in the manifesto, we have generated a cunning plan to bring Cock Cancer to the attention of the masses – insuring that the vernacular becomes as firmly entrenched in modern parlance as Breast Cancer. Not that we wish to undermine our sisters, simply wishing to achieve parity – standing beside them on the same tribune of shared hope and communal recognition. Breasts have pointed the way in the cancer cause, and a bloody good job they have done of it. Like fleshy beacons on a darkened road to nowhere they have illuminated the path which we now choose to tread. By following in their footsteps, the Cock Cancer campaign will surely cleave its way.

 

In the manifesto it was suggested that we form The Purple Army however, with due consideration- as distinguished as the title is – it is the chosen name of the Minnesota Viking supporters. As much as we would appreciate their support, we refuse to agitate anybody under our peaceful principals of revolution set down in the manifesto and therefore have opted for a new call to arms. The people’s movement for Cock Cancer awareness will hence forth be known collectively as the    Y-FRONT.

 

An organization that will be proud to launder its business in public, upholding the valuables and lending willing support, both on the national stage and also in the nether regions. The Y-FRONT will fight by any peaceful means necessary in an effort to promote Cock Cancer awareness and monetary funding. Flying under the battle soiled banner of Skid Marks ‘Round the World, we will wipe out ignorance and self ass-ured denial as we help men to better get a grip of themselves and their fears. Flatulent in the face of dogmatic disregard the P.P.F.C.C.A will never bend, never waver – although we may hang slightly to the left; it is a revolution after all!

 

The first hammer blow has been smote – we have purchased the web site WWW.COCKCANCER.COM

 

The movement is now a reality, not just guerillas in the mist but as real and in your face as spankable primates. This is the first victory of many, as we move diligently on through the redoubts of public disdain, towards the battlements of public respect. The next step is to design the logo and plaster it on everything we can get to grips with.

 

 A hands-on job that will hopefully save the lives of thousands.

 

Lest we forget, this may seem amusing to some, but there is no sneer on my face, no purple hue of indignation – rather the resolute stare of a man who has seen forever and yet, has seen nothing. Now anointed with the bi-focals of social conscience I gaze into the future trying to grasp the very probable and almost plausible. With the yet to be created logo on our shields we will help stave off  laughter and silence the pooh-poohing of those who can not bring themselves to utter the word Cock.

 

It is neither shameful nor rude. The word cock has been used for centuries and like so many other words before  has unfortunately been sanitized by  polite society.  The Cock Cancer campaign refuses to be jerked around by those who don’t believe in our cause. As men we stand firmly behind Cock as though it were our own dash-boarded deity, our own little general – Napoleon. With purple helmets and alcohol-induced bravado we will resist the friction created when rubbing the politically correct the wrong way.

 

********************

 

 

…Web address, group name – things are looking good. Next we’ll need a few snappy one-liners to help launch Cock Cancer onto a flaccid public. Although we have wracked our brains and fought to find the right phrases, we welcome your support. Listed below are a number of crown jewels we have already come up with.

 

BALLS TO THE WALL – I’M IN, IF URINE – PURPLE POWER – NO MAN LEFT BEHIND – SACKING CANCER – Y-FRONT – MARCH OF DONGS – I MIGHT HAVE COCK CANCER BUT ATLEAST I DON’T WATCH AMERICAN IDOL – I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND ALL THEY GAVE ME WAS THIS WRINKLY OLD SACK etc, etc.

 

 

These scribblings will adorn t-shirts – bracelets- hats and mugs, and unlike those other bastards who collect for a worthy cause, we in the Cock Cancer campaign pledge to donate 100% of all collected monies to prostate cancer organizations. Minus the cost of the merchandise, the Caribbean holidays, 90210ed-addressed mansions and the cost of running the enterprise, we will be bonafied champions. In the vein of Broke Back Mountain filmography, of whether it is better to be a giver than a receiver – we thrust our hips forward, throw our shoulders back and shout till we are hoarse.

 

“Let us give.”

 

This is the audience participation part of the BLOG, dear reader, where you send me your slogans and logos; the best of which we will spooge over soon to be generated merchandise. Draw inspiration from what we ourselves have already created and leave a comment with your idea. The Y-FRONT is not an army of one and therefore we require, nay – demand your input.

 

Are you with me boys and girls ….are you with me?

AYE, AYE….CAPTAIN!

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One Response to “H.M.S. SCHWANZSTUCKE HAS SAILED- COCKCANCER #3”

  1. robyn January 25, 2011 at 7:19 am #

    I’m not half-cocked when it comes to Cancer!

    Cock Cancer: Giving Head a New Name

    Cocks of the World – Stand Up & Unite!

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